Friday, August 30, 2013

"The Usual" Carvel Craving

I frequently have what I call 
a "Usual" Carvel craving.

Luckily the Carvel is conveniently located near my home...
just a hop, skip,  
turn left on Rte 44, 
and you're there.  
It's located in what they call a strip mall…
although I'm pretty sure there's no stripping going on there.  

The Carvel may not be far in distance…
but it's very tricky to pull into. 
It doesn't have an easy-in and easy-out access, 
and there isn't a drive-thru window.  
I would give my left arm for a Carvel drive-thru.
(I'm right handed.)
Regardless of its 10 point degree of difficulty,
 I maneuver my car across traffic...
all in the name of 
i-c-e c-r-e-a-m.

Located next door to the Carvel is a Nail Salon. 

 OccasionalIy I run into someone I know in the parking lot 
going to the nail salon for a mani and/or pedi.  
(I feel so cool when I say mani and pedi.)

 As we walk and talk our way from the parking lot, 
the "occasional someone" assumes I'm also going for a 
mani and pedi.
That's when I open the adjacent door to Carvel
and say, 
"See ya lata sucka.  
Enjoy breathing in those lethal fumes…
while I'm next door treating myself to a creamy treat."
Okay, I don't actually say that out loud… I have a filter...but I may think it.

In the book of Kat,
a melt in your mouth merriment will beat a mani every time...
no matter how cool a "mani" sounds.


I remember the first time I brought Colin with me to Carvel.
As we approached the counter, 
the owner immediately sprung into action,
and handed me what he called
"the usual"

a medium twist in a cone. 

That's when Colin turned to me and said,
"So this is where you go, when I'm at school." 

He was on to me and 
it wouldn't be long before
 bigC and Wishy would know too.

I was in for the same 
shaming and disappointment 
I got from the kids 
when they found out 
I had been going through the car wash without them.
(you whaaat mom?  Nooooo. Say it isn't so.)

I suppose it could be worse…
instead of my "usual" being a  medium twist in a cone…
my "usual" could be 

a double on the rocks 
with a twist.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Ice, Ice, Baby

Besides love for
my family, God, and my country…

 I've turned PaulA into a lover…
(you know what I mean)
he's not as freakishly fixated on the frozen food
as this Kat.

I have a long "history" with ice cream
and one particular story that I call...
"Ice, Ice, Baby"
goes like this.

Back in the day
whenever PaulA and I would drive home 
from visiting his parents...
we would ALWAYS, ALWAYS stop at the Dairy Queen 
EVERY. single. time. 
It didn’t matter to me that PaulA never wanted ice cream…that was his loss.  
The DQ was a required stop…
even if we had just eaten a 
4 course meal complete with dessert.  
You see, 
I am a soft-serve junkie.

And so it goes...that day
PaulA and I were in a pissin’ match. 
(After all these years, 
do you think I can remember over what?) 
Tension led to the 
ole silent treatment….
which isn’t particularly easy for me, 
but I decided to play along.

As we drove home in silence,  
I could see the DQ approaching….yup, DQ next stop. 
But instead of pulling into the parking lot...
PaulA drove right past it. 
Seeing, I am not any good at the silence game…

I broke the ice with,  “I can’t believe you didn’t stop.”
PaulA, feigning ignorance, “Oh, you wanted me to stop?”
“Of course,” I said, 
“we ALWAYS stop…you did that on purpose.”
He replied, “I’ll go back.”
So I continued ala childish behavior,
 “No, forget it. I don’t want it now.”
PaulA replied, “Well, I’m going back. I want a cone."
I bellowed, “Whaat? You never get ice cream.”

After turning the car around, 
PaulA came back from the DQ…
holding a large vanilla cone.  

As we continued down the road, 
PaulA loudly lapped his cone… 
“ahhh…this is so good…yumm.”

I am not sure what came over me at that moment. 
I didn’t even think about it. 
In one quick motion, I reached over, 
grabbed the cone out of his hand…
and threw it out my opened window. 
He looked at me….I looked at him…. 
and we both cracked up laughing. 

just saying...

Don't ever, ever
come between 
me and my ice cream.


Friday, August 16, 2013

Tale of A. Weiner

A. Weiner pulls out.
Okay, that's a little premature.
(a girl can hope.)

I was hoping that Anthony Weiner would yank
his membership from the NYC mayoral race, 
but apparently Weiner is still in win it…

or so he hopes. 

Are you sick of all the Weiner jokes?
(You probably wouldn't touch one with a 10 inch foot pole.)
I realize they need to stop…but 
it's hard because they basically write themselves.  
You don't have to go very deep 
to come up with a Weiner joke.
They just pop up and immediately present themselves.

Have we reached the Weiner tipping point yet…
where the jokes just aren't funny anymore? 
Apparently Weiner has worked 
long and hard to stop the ribbing...

but has come up short...
again and again.

 I'm sure he's hoping we  zip it with all the jokes 
but it is
A. Weiner who has exposed himself…
to ridicule.


According to the latest Quinnipiac poll, 
Weiner has fallen into fourth place.
It appears Weiner support is waning.
Maybe a massive dose of Levitra 
could help A. Weiner spring back to life.

At this point, 
I'm not sure what it would take 
to cut Weiner out of the race.  
Short of a little help from Lorena Bobbitt …
I think A. Weiner stands 
until the election.

Maybe after Weiner sees the latest survey…
Weiner will make if official and will pull out.

I just don't see how 
A. Weiner can erect a final stand.

I would say
"A. Weiner is cooked 
and in a pickle."
(Finally a G-rated version of the Weiner.)

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

"Light the Fuse" Concert-Partridge Family Style

Limos and fancy party buses 
are one way to go to a concert….
but another way is the 
good ole fashion school bus...
which we took to see
Dustin Lynch, Little Big Town, Keith Urban...
on the "Light the Fuse" tour.
yeehaw, woo hoo, heehaw.

It's been eons since I've actually ridden a school bus. 
The backs of the seats were a lot higher 
than I remember…
which is a good idea.  
This way, if the bus stops short,
 you only get slammed into 
the seat in front of you…
instead of thrown 4 rows ahead.  

So now  
my preferred ride to a concert 
(other than a twin-engined helicopter) 
is the school bus. 
I feel so at home.
It gives me a good excuse to act immature 
and practice my "knock, knock" jokes.

Bumping along in my bus seat
to the show...
 I was having a 70's Partridge Family 
"Come on get happy" experience.
I had that poncho.

For those of you not familiar with the Partridge Family…
get with the program already.
By today's standards, you might call The Partridge Family" cheesy tv
but in it's day….
it was a sharp cheddar.

I remember in 1973, I really wanted to be Susan Dey.  
She was soooo cool…
in a 
straight-long-hair-parted-down-the middle/
kind of way.


Our Parking Lot Party 
before the concert
was a happening... 
Bitch'n place

with the usual tailgate pre-concert warm-ups...
flip cup, bean bag toss. food. beverages.
It's smart to drink your beer outside...
they charge a lot of bread for beer inside the venue. 
(My "come on get happy" Partridge experience has me talking like it's 1973.)

But the highlight was...
Colin playing with 
Dustin Lynch.
They were so great...
we couldn't help bougie in our seats.

We dug the show so much,
we almost ended up in China.

I wasn't sure who was having more fun….
the crowd

If you have a chance to see 
Dustin Lynch,
Little Big Town, 
Keith Urban...
"be there or be square."
I guarantee you a groovy time.

Catch you on the flip side.
(enough already with 1973 slang, Kat)

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Congrats Bri on Job "Pounding"

Back in my day… 
looking for a job…
was about
"pounding the pavement."

But with today's technology…
it's more about
"pounding the keyboard."

Any kind of "pounding" to find a job 
is never a  
picnic/walk in the park/joy ride.
In other words…
it AIN'T easy.

That's why I'm  
that Brianna is gainfully employed 
(go Bri) 
and has completed her 1st month 
of her 35 year sentence career.


After hearing about the extensive 
interview/interrogation process 
Brianna went through to get her job…
I remembered an 
interesting interview 
I once had for a systems position
in Jacksonville, FL.

I was a little nervous/intimidated as I sat across the Manager's large desk…
but I tried to remain cool….
(never let 'em see you sweat…
or smell your sweat fear.)

Towards the end of the interview, 
the Manager informed me that 
I was wearing the “right” colors.
I looked down to see what the heck I was wearing.
red blouse and a black skirt.
Huh ? 

That's when he pointed out that I was wearing his 
alma mater's school colors...
University of Georgia.  
Apparently he was getting good vibes from me 
as I sat there...
looking like a bulldog…

minus the protruding under bite.

It's a good thing I wasn't in a 
blue and orange mood 
when I dressed for the interview that morning. 

  That Bulldog alumnus might have 
lifted his leg,
 then thrown my scaly Gator ass out his door. 

To all you job seekers out there…
I wish you good luck.
I know...
it Ain't easy.

Keep on...Keep on... 

And a special
Congrats to 
for a job... 
well done.
dang "papa"razzi is everywhere

Thursday, August 1, 2013

August Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

Happy August 1st.

Summer is flying by.
Between the drops of rain
and drips of humidity
I've felt like 
I've been run through the wash machine
under a heavy soak cycle
thrown into the dryer on HIGH...

with the excessive 
humidity turning my hair 
into a GIANT shrub.


This summer we have had a little bunny rabbit
(or maybe a multitude) 
hopping around the yard.  
I've become quite attached to our little cottontail(s) 
so I've named him (them.)




Hare's hoping August is
raindrop and humiditydrip FREE
my shrub head shrinks from an
unruly GIANT shrub
to a 
lovely manicured
dwarf shrub......

and, and, AND...
the Red Sox stay in first place.