Color My World

There are some careers that seem quite difficult…Doctor, Lawyer and Indian Chief. But then there are others, that on the surface, seem quite manageable. You may think… "Heck, I can do that. Anyone can do that.” But once you get going with it…you find the job wasn’t as easy as you first thought. Take…race car driving. Geez…I can drive fast….and I speed all the time. Then take painting.

Painting a room seems like an easy job. Color my world: Easy Breeze Green. You may wonder why painters get the big bucks to slap a little color on the wall. But once you get into the middle of the project with paint up to your elbows…you would give a professional painter anything…(my dog)…to come in and take over.

I think painting is very difficult...right from the beginning…right from the word “chip.” Choosing a paint color is dabbling in science…especially having to use the 1 cm by 1cm dab the paint companies provide. As a matter of fact, the color never even looks like it's related to the actual paint. It’s more of a distant cousin.

Paint chips should come with warnings: Lilly Green looks green while standing on your left leg and holding it up to a window when the sun is shining through a heavily leafed tree…but otherwise it’s a deep purple once you’ve bought 3 gallons and rolled it on your wall. Color My World: Lilly-Green-My-Ass.

Paint names are fun…almost as good as lipstick names but definitely not as sexy. Instead of Sensual Spice…you get Shaker Beige. Color my world: Tired Tan.

Painting requires the patience of Job and the steady hand of Betty Ford. After putting yourself through spackling, caulking, priming, and then finally the painting…you have to apply a damn second coat. I always think … "Naw…it should be fine with one coat.” Until the next morning when all the missed spaces are clearly visible. Color my world: Pissed-Off Purple. How do I know this?

PaulA and I recently painted our bedroom after a third color attempt...(third cousin once removed.) Color my world: Finally-Got-It-Right-Ocean-Air. PaulA was in charge...the head painter...and I was his assistant. My first job was to pour the paint into the tray. After I spilled it all over my hands, PaulA fired me from my duties. Sometimes deliberate incompetence is a PAINT stroke of genius.

After completing the room…we called in the professionals to paint the others. Color my world: Thank the Heavenly Father Fuschia. I think painters earn every roll of dollar they make painting. Between the smell of the paint that gets you high or sick, the paint that you’ve spilled on yourself or floor, and every other brush with disaster….I say:

Get a professional…and take my dog…he’s yours for FREE. Color my world: Good Riddance Red.

Actually…Color my world: Just Teasing Turquoise.